Thursday, November 02, 2006

Day 8: The Art of Grocery Shopping (by Sun Tzu)

My last vacation day, so it's time to get nuts! On Saturday the stores are going to be closed, so today was the perfect day to fill our storages. I purpously left my family home, so I could do something I wouldn't want my kids to see... Don't do as I do, do as I say...

I went to the local supermarket. I was again hungry as hell, but this time it was on purpouse. Can you resist anything when you're drooling already? First thing. I took the biggest cart I could find and then added couple of baskets to the sides. Second thing. Only buy items that you can drop from the shelf to the cart. Third. Whistle the whole way. Ready to go?

I skipped the veggies and fruits, since I couldn't drop them to the cart. Well, I got some bananas that I was able to drop from the top of Mount Chiquita. From the next section I was able to get bread that was placed on the upper shelf. But now I had a problem. I was really anxious to get some Brasilian ox meat, but they were placed so low that I couldn't drop them to the cart. Aha! I went to the nearest employee. Since I was whistling the whole time, I couldn't talk. I had to make some gestures to the woman and she quickly realised that I needed help (and maybe strong medication). I leaded her to the ox meat and started to point it with a loud whistle. The woman picked the meat and was putting it to the cart. No no no, I gestured. The woman was confused and looking me like I was some kinda freak. I showed her to raise the hand in which she held the meat. Of course, since the customer is always right, she raised her arm. Immediately I hit the meat and it fell down to the cart. YES! Thank you very much, you have been most helpful, here's a hundred, buy something for yourself. I rolled away whistling.

Bread, meat, bananas. What else does a grown man with million euros need? Lacohol. Acholl. Alcohol. And lots of it. I was standing in the beginning of the beer aisle. I started to whistle Bonanza. You could feel the intensity of the moment. The Man and The Beer. Evolution at its best. I usually bought the cheapest lagers, but now I raised my arm and pointed it to the imported beers. Uuuuh, you're so gonna get it! I started to run and Bonanza led me through the 20 meter aisle. Imagine the sound of breaking bottles and cans hitting the cart. I was there and felt alive. The smell of beer got mixed with air and I inhaled it deeply to my sweating organs.

Well, the security escorted me outside, I whistled my last tune, paid more than enough and finally I was home with my shoppings. My wife looked like a question mark, since I was covered with beer.

- Nice supermarket. Better not to go there for a while.

What an unforgettable day. I proved that you can also have fun without alcohol (in your brain). More stories tomorrow. In the meanwhile, enjoy Dan Lok's ultimate success concept and prosper.

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